Tales From the Hilltop
An intelligent, yet Devil's Advocate view of the world

Episode Forty-Seven: The Worst War EVER Created…

“These men ain’t shit out here! Where the REAL men at?”

“Man, I don’t care about these hoes.”

These verbal strikes are very common in the all-out war between black men and black women. It seems that for at least the last 20 years, men and women of African-American decent have been campaigning on just how hideous each gender has been to each other, and to society as a whole. From songs, to YouTube videos, to blogs, both sides have been rampant at taking shots at each other in bunches, either as a defense mechanism, revenge tactic, or as some sort of validation to prove their own self-worth.

How? How did we as an entire black population in America become the most divided ethnic group on the planet? This was not always so. No less than 60 years ago, being born black in America seemed like it came with a billboard that said, “cursed” on it. We all know the horrors of segregation, prejudice, and racism (some of which continues to this very day in America) and how our parents and grandparents struggled with these conditions. However, something wonderful came out of all that suffering, namely being black folks united to stop segregation, fighting for their God-given rights, and proving they belong in America just as much as anyone else that was given entry to this country.

Part of the reason seems to be more of a class war than anything else. As the rich has been known to look down on the poor in general, in America, this especially has rung true when it comes to black people. There are countless articles and editorials written by women disinterested in their male counterparts, citing particularly that most men “aren’t up to their standards, either professionally or financially”, and “I can do bad all by myself.” On the other side of the spectrum, a lot of successful men see women who are lower class women as “gold diggers”, “scammers” and “women looking for a come-up”. This type of behavior seems to be magnified amongst black folk for one reason or another, and get very evident in small things such as when certain people move into a prominent neighborhood, or gain entry into a night club not in the proper attire.

Another huge part seems to be how most people are conditioned to believe what their counterparts are almost from birth. Women who are born with no father figure tend to deal with abandonment issues pertaining to men as they grow up, which also normally manifests during their own relationships, leaving a deep feeling of resentment towards black men. As for the black man, there are some that feel black women simply demand too much of them almost seemingly from the time they can talk, whereas they are expected to “be the man of the house” at earlier ages than other races, which in turn can develop into anger when they feel they may not be adequate enough to please their black female mates.

There are several factors in this war such as: religious beliefs, education, and even political preferences. Here’s MY whole question…why? Why have we become a race so divided towards the other gender? What difference does it make in the long run? Why can’t our population as a whole see that whenever someone makes personal proclamations like this public, it not only embarrasses the gender they’re attacking, but in the eyes of the rest of America (and the world, for that matter) it pretty much stains the whole race, bit by bit. Not to say that other races don’t attack each other, but certainly not to this sheer degree and quantity. We don’t see the Jewish female community say that their men are oppressors. You’ll never hear Asian men claim that their women make them feel worthless on a seemingly daily basis.  Even in Middle Eastern countries overseas, where there are laws pretty much guaranteeing men have dominance over women and women are more responsible for raising men, there’s no gender division amongst the people. What baffles me to no end about this war is that black people born in other countries – most notably, island and African countries – say that black Americans are disgracing themselves putting men against women all the time.

So, how can this war end? Well, one solution is been made clear cut: interracial dating. Black men and women have both branched out, dating and marrying other races to fulfill the needs they felt they weren’t getting in their own race. I actually applaud this move, because everyone needs love somewhere, and color should never impede that, but this has seemingly made things worse on the surface. Many people who have stepped outside their race – especially to be with white counterparts – have been met with accusations of self-hatred, “selling out”, and disloyalty.  How many times have we heard a conversation like this, either portrayed on TV or in real life?

Black man: “I’m done with yo’ ass. You’re so bossy. I bet white women wouldn’t do me like you do!”

Black woman: “If that’s how you feel, Uncle Tom, white women can have your sorry ass!”

Or an exchange like this:

Black woman: “See, this is why I date white men. THEY know how to treat a black queen like me.”

Black men: “Well, let them white dudes put up with your shit, then!”

Look, the only way black men and women are going to get along and preserve our race is that we all have to accept each other. Accept our faults and failures, just like we accept each other’s triumphs and successes. As a black man in America, it angers me to see our race in such a state of disarray, to the point where we feel we can’t even rely on each other to build lives and families with. Like I said before, I respect love, no matter where a person finds it. However, I would be remiss if I didn’t say I love to see two black people, working with each other to build a life together. This is why I applaud many older couples I know; like my parents, my girlfriend’s parents, the President and First Lady, and several others that have celebrated decades of loving marriages to each other. Throughout those relationships, the big difference in them making it and others failing is that they are willing to accept the fact that while they are certainly not perfect, each other has been perfect for them, which has been a lost concept into making relationships work across the board, not just amongst black folk. Even with my relationship of nearly 10 years to my Nubian queen, we work with each other, comfort each other in hours of darkness, and learned from one another to become perfect mates for the life we want to have together.

I just wonder 10, 15, 20 years from now, how many black couples will have the same successful results as our parents and grandparents. As long as this war goes on, that number will be low to the point of rarity. We HAVE to end this war, black people! There’s no other alternative.



One Response to “Episode Forty-Seven: The Worst War EVER Created…”

  1. Awesome post man! One thing that I wish more people did was look at themselves first when they’re trying to correct stuff, or when things don’t work out, esp. in relationships. Everyone has a role to play in every cause and effect, but sadly, some just wanna find someone to blame.

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