Episode Fifty-Seven: The Funny Side

So, when we last left off in this blog, we were (mostly) horrified to learn who would be America’s new Commander-in-Chief to close out this decade. (Fair warning: that mammal will only be referred to in this blog as “45” from here on out, and you’re lucky I’ve even toned that down). Like many of you, my emotions about this ran the gamut, but mine actually went a slightly different way than others. While most people watching this travesty have gone from horror to fear to outright defiance, mine took a whole separate route: laughter, to anger, than back to laughter.

I’ll explain, because I’m sure you’re reading this and cursing me out, screaming “How could you possibly think any of this is funny right now, asshole?!”

On the night of impending doom (i.e. Election Night), as I watched states that were supposed to turn blue turn red (and Ohio, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Florida, and North Carolina…we will NEVER forgive you for this. I would say may all your college and pro teams suck massive failure for the next four years, but I remembered that the Philadelphia Eagles and Sixers are trapped in that calamity, so I’ll have to find a new hex to place upon you.) I actually did laugh at what was happening before our very eyes. Maybe it was a laugh to cover up my own disbelief that America really did forgo that fact that a guy could literally run a campaign on basically every evil form of human separation, and still win the most important title on Planet Earth. The sheer gravity of it made it feel that we had just crossed over into a real-life Twilight Zone. Maybe I was nervously laughing at that.

The next morning however, I was angry. Angry that this wasn’t a dream at all; that this….this human, 45, would in fact be the new POTUS. My outright disgust had resigned me to stop using his name and title altogether. Titles are for people I respect, and I could never respect a person who literally resurrected the KKK from their graves and brought them back into power, taking every supremacist with them that could crawl out from the holes we’d all thought we buried them in. I was (and still am, a little) even angry at family members for voting maybe not for that, but voting for 45 as a whole, and everything 45 has stood for over these last two years. It just didn’t make any sense at all to me: why would anyone – especially anyone of color – support policies that sounded akin to the birth of US fascism and massive racism? Why would anyone not of that white male demographic actually want some of these policies that are sure to destroy lives in the coming years and families to be implemented, especially the outright stupefying, civil-rights violating, and ultimately unconstitutional “Stop & Frisk” policy? My anger stayed with me for a few days, until a few of my fiancé’s friends (and random others) tried to let me know that this whole debacle was MY fault.

OK, let me clarify: by “my” fault, I don’t mean just me. They meant that 45’s rise to the Oval Office is squarely on the blame of all those people who decided to vote for a third party. Once I heard that, my demeanor turned back to laughter again. Why, you say? The voting numbers can certainly try to make that claim on their own. But, those numbers alone are misleading at best and utter comedic at worst. Gary Johnson, the former Republican governor of New Mexico, ran as the head of the Libertarian party, and did a lot better than people thought, eclipsing the margin between Hillary and 45 on his own. So, it’s safe to say that if Gary Johnson never would have ran, those votes could have gone to Hillary in the aforementioned swing states, changing the whole course of this election, right?

Right?

WRONG. First off, let me reiterate: Gary Johnson was a former Republican governor. Why would it even be feasible to assume that if people were willing to vote for someone on the more conservative side, and their main GOP candidate was someone like 45, that if they were so outraged by his antics, they would totally flip to Hillary Clinton, a Democratic candidate? There was no evidence, basis, poll, or anything tangible to suggest that if Gary Johnson had not run at all, that all those people (or even 50% of them) would have chose Clinton instead. If anything, Gary Johnson’s “interference” help narrow the gap between 45 and Clinton in those swing states, so wouldn’t that have been a GOOD thing for Democrats to have him in there, just to siphon votes from 45 in the first place? (You can see where my laughter is coming from now, right?)

Secondly, the candidate I chose – Green Party nominee, Dr. Jill Stein – had voter numbers less than Johnson, but not close enough to effect the outcomes of any of those states at all, though she did get a good turnout in New York. I chose – let alone many of us – to vote for a candidate I truly believed in (one of the perks of being an Independent….no pressure to assume loyalty to any parties at all, but just trying to vote for good people), and to be blamed for that also makes me laugh, as it totally goes against the entire concept of voting; that we look for people who want to make lives better for us and those around us, not to vote for people out of fear of other people.

Third, I tried to convey my point that Hillary’s undoing more than likely came from any number of reasons from both her party, and herself:

1) The fact that the Democratic party totally ignored the non-racist version of White America in those swing states, mostly the people that seen factories shut down, jobs bounce overseas, their lives diminished, and wanted answers as to how she would even try to get them back. Her husband and Former President Bill Clinton was even on the news stating that he pleaded with her to go out and see those people, because they would help decided the fate of this election, a request that apparently fell on deaf ears.

2) Her record of taking money as a Senator of New York from the very lobbyists she once fought against as First Lady when she was fighting for Universal Health Care.

3) The outright ignorance (and partial arrogance) of the plight of the black male community, which drew so far away from supporting her, even though black women supported her wholeheartedly. Like she forgot about the whole “super predator” comments and policies that put so many black men behind bars when Slick Willie ran the country in the 90s. She learned the serious lesson that “payback” came on two legs, not four, with the black male population. However, to her black supporters, this was condescending known as the “hotep” non-vote. (Imagine the glorious rotation of my eye roll upon hearing and reading that silly shit…)

4) Speaking of women, the shocking “betrayal” of white women that she thought would come to her aid, most of whom actually voting for 45 instead. (I guess they knew where their true loyalties lied at the hour of truth, huh?)

5) Lest we forget, the 46% of people who didn’t even to come out and vote, PERIOD….most of whom were gung-ho with Obeezie’s two presidential runs in 2008 and 2012. That alone gave me cause to dismiss any other claims. You can’t cry about the state of America if you willingly forfeited your spot to have your say in it, so those people catch the “blame” of what happened more than any other group, to me.

This all fell on deaf – and frankly, supremely butthurt – ears. Instead of recognizing these faults of Hillary and their party, trying to maybe looking inward as to why her clear path to the Presidency resulted in such massive failure, the “I’m With Her” coalition chose the easy way out, and blamed the 2-3% people who decided to vote “someone else.” (And by “someone else”, I meant any and almost everyone else: people not only voted for Mr. Johnson and Dr. Stein, but wrote-in names such as John Kasich, our good friend Bernie Sanders, Game of Throne’s newly crowned King of the North – Jon Snow…LOL, Deez Nuts, everybody’s favorite gorilla Harambe, and even a literal “Hole In the Ground.” You can’t make that up.) So, as you can see, my laughter was more so engulfed in ridicule at the outright hubris-turned-lashing out by the smartest Democrats in the room thinking they had it all figured out, only to find out that well….they knew nothing. (Ygrette would be proud of me right now, I’m sure.)

Oh, but there’s mocking to be done on BOTH sides of the table, here……

Just hours after 45’s triumph, he seemed to learn the best lesson of desire: “Be careful what you wish for, for you just might get it.” And over the last few days, the humility he’s probably never known has shown up and bit him all over his smug ass. He’s seemingly found out that fascism won’t come in this country without a helluva a fight by its citizens:

• With the protests that have gone strong seemingly every night in major cities all over the country by the younger generation, with the theme of them outright rejection him as the new leader of this country, themed by the phrase “Not My President.” (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/11/10/not-my-president-thousand-protest-trump-in-rallies-across-the-u-s/)
• With organizations such as the ACLU, who took out a page in the New York Times to specifically welcome 45 into the Oval Office with a warning that if any of the policies he promised to his supporters goes into law, they will fight him with every resource at their disposal. (https://www.aclu.org/letter/aclu-letter-president-elect-trump-published-new-york-times)
• With most of those crazy campaign promises he made to his army that are already getting backed up on (most of which was said on his 60 Minutes, post-election interview):
  1. Like America’s “Great Wall” being financially impossible to build, and may only end up a pitiful fence (https://www.politico.com/story/2016/11/trumps-border-wall-may-be-collapsing-231567)
  2. Like the deportation force he promised he’d get together to round up illegal immigrants already being brushed to the side…at least, for now.
  3. Like the promise to investigate, prosecute, and ultimately jail Hillary Clinton.
  4. Like undoing the ruling of same-sex marriage set by the Supreme Court last year.
  5. Like his promise to “drain the swamp” of corrupt politicians, only to pretty much invite the swamp into his Cabinet.
• Lest we forget, 45 and his army have found out that while maybe in 1952, black people would go home and cry if racists would refer to them as the dreaded “nigger” term, in 2016, consequences can and HAVE been taken.

The most supreme piece of irony in all of this probably have to be the reports of the hand-holding President Obama has had to give this guy as his transition into the chair has proven to be eons tougher than he imagined, and running a country as complicated as America isn’t something you can do from a campaign bus. C’mon, who wouldn’t find a bit of humor in knowing the fact that the guy 45 tried to deem not even an American citizen in the first place with his failed birther quest now has to drag this fool through the ropes, just so he has a basic understanding of what his new job will be, and who is already behind the 8-ball in doing this. (http://qz.com/839947/how-far-behind-is-donald-trumps-presidential-transition-compared-to-barack-obama-in-2008/)

Who wouldn’t find a bit of humor in knowing that America wouldn’t be made in Berlin overnight, and that he’d have more of world laughing – and condemning – at him in the last six days then probably his whole life for thinking that we would all just roll over? Why wouldn’t I laugh at the “Littlefinger-ese” run he made to the White House, only to pull off a nWo befitting, Hollywood Hogan-like heel turn on those idiots he played in only 10 days or so?

Look, I realize that at least some of this really isn’t funny. The fact that remains is America still dropped ALL the balls when they (or the Electoral College, rather. Clinton still won the popular vote by 1.3 million votes and counting.) made this human the new leader around here. The things he stood for in getting to the Oval Throne has brought out some real ugliness in people, from school kids on up. So, I’m not a total dick here in understanding that some of this stuff is no laughing matter. Healthcare still is on the chopping block, and the Roe v. Wade landmark case may end up a memory. That’s not funny at all. Also, as much as I want to believe people of color can fight back the bastion of white supremacy, incidents have been reported all over the country in seemingly-record numbers in 45’s first week as Pres-elect. (That lame-ass plea he made on 60 Minutes for racists to “stop it” doesn’t seem to matter, either.) All of which gives me pause to laugh at everybody, and mostly stick to my original message from my the last episode of this blog to “tool up” and protect yourself, both legally and physically, if need be.

At this point, I think my humor is based on trying to find a light to this astoundingly dark tunnel, which seemingly is getting darker by the day. As we count down the days left of Obama’s tenure, we are reminded of what a real leader can do and has done, even when he’s tested by seemingly all sides. As most of us dread the inauguration of 45, many of us can only wonder if any of Obeezie’s qualities can actually rub off on this guy, as he’ll now have pretty much the world in his and his administration’s mostly (if not entirely) monochromatic hands. As for me, my humor to this quagmire is more of a coping mechanism at this point: it has provided me with a shield to the ignorance – on both sides – and a way of fighting back as well. It has given me a reason to embrace the challenges that we all know are surely coming, and it has allowed me to press on in accepting my choice for whom I wanted to be – and NOT to be – the new President, allowing me to fully live with that choice, guilt-free.

I think we’re ALL going to need laughter in the coming weeks, months, and the next four years, so the way I see it, I’m just ahead of the curve.

11/18/16